E-Squared Book Club: Week 3 - Laser Focused Intention

How was Experiment #4 for you?This week's meeting was all about finding the intention that aligns the most with true desire, and then filling every cell of our body with that desire. But not in the way you might normally think of desire, as "I want".

This kind of desire is the experience of living as if your intention has already come true.

So if you "want" a new car, picture yourself in vivid detail enjoying every inch of that new car. Feel the leather seats, play with the sleek console, experience the punch of the gas pedal, see your hair whipping in the wind if it's a convertible.

Now feel the sensation in every cell of your body as you imagine this scene.

THAT is the feeling of having a laser-focused intention.

If you're at all like me, when you finally get clear enough to name something you really want, your mind starts to think and plan about how it's going to get it done, make it happen, arrange all the pieces of the puzzle to bring it to fruition.

Sometimes this works, but often it can feel so overwhelming or impossible that you just give up (at least on a subtle level) on your original desire, figuring it's too hard or can't happen.

The essence of this experiment is to see what happens when you let go of all the thoughts that oppose the one clear intention you set. And just bathe yourself in that feeling of laser-focused intention. You don't entertain any of the doubt, or thoughts about how it's going to happen. You just picture it already happening, and then you live your life as if it's happening.

For me personally, it was challenging to focus on one single intention for the duration of the experiment. I found my mind scattered by many "things to do". But during the period of the experiment, I began to notice many instances of gifts arriving that I didn't have to ask for, pleasant surprises and offers to get paid when I hadn't expected to. I was being shown that it's not all about what I "do" but more about how I "am".

Pam talks about prayer in this chapter, and how it's impossible not to pray, because we are constantly "praying" every single thought we have in every moment. We "are" our prayers, and we are constantly inviting in all the experiences we need to fulfill our deepest beliefs about life.

That's an interesting one to experiment with.

I hope you'll share your results from Experiment #4 in the comments. I love hearing your stories!

At Quarry Park today, Tammy and I repeated the "magic wands" from Experiment #3, with some pretty dramatic results. When she held the intention of manifesting a new door, while also thinking about how she was going to get all the logistics to line up and make it happen, the wands turned inward right away. When she held the feeling of already having the new door, enjoying its presence, seeing it in detail, the wands swung out like a pair of butterfly wings!

We walked the labyrinth and held our intentions by savoring and imagining them already happening. I noticed a big smile on my face as I pictured Tammy's new door, and my own intention of being peaceful, playful, and prosperous while sitting at my art table making Beauty to share with the world.

Wishing you many moments of this kind of joy...until next time!

P.S. Here's a link to a brief audio recording I made about Experiment #4, with some questions and journal prompts.

E-Squared Book Club: Week 2

The stories from the E-Squared Book Club are just too good not to share!

We discussed the results from Experiments 1 and 2 this week, and when we met at Quarry Park by the labyrinth, we did Experiment 3 together.

And can I just say "WHOA!".

Since I have the unique position of being with both in-person and phone groups, I just have to share what's happening with everyone.

Miracles BIG and small

One of the common observations from Experiment 1 was that our expectations were high. We each began to notice "small" miracles in our lives immediately after setting the intention. Examples (you be the judge of how "small" these seem):

• getting the bills paid with ease
• thinking of a movie and then having your husband call to say you're going to see that movie
• having your 4-year-old walk into your bedroom while you're sleeping, kiss you on the hand and say, "I love you mommy" before crawling into bed with you
• seeing a dolphin doing backstroke
• receiving an offer for a free piano
• being in a restaurant, having one of your kids meltdown, and looking over to see a grandmother at the next table, who lovingly sends you a verbal blessing.

Two different Book Clubbers described having thoughts that maybe what they were noticing during the experiment "wasn't big enough". Tammy described repeatedly asking for "something big", all the while receiving many small blessings and gifts during the 48 hours. During the final hour of the experiment, her "big" message came in the form of a scary near-miss incident while in the car. Her husband turned on to a one-way street headed in the wrong direction, with a car following behind him. They faced four lanes of oncoming traffic, and every single car stopped without a single collision.

Miracle? YES! Big? YES!

Tammy's takeaway: she's perfectly happy with the small gifts, thank you very much.

Experiment #2 seemed to get all of the Book Clubbers a little bit stuck on what color cars to start counting. Some described "sunset beige" as a color they couldn't picture. Others wondered whether it was OK to choose a different color than suggested in the book.

My read on this is - just choose something specific that is unusual for you and start looking for it. Decide you are going to start counting. Then let go.

I forgot about the fact that I was running Experiment #2 until my boyfriend casually mentioned that he had received an offer for a free piano. We were on a bike ride along the ocean. I gasped when he said this and said, "Hey! Are you doing the energy experiments? Cuz that's a blessing if I've ever heard one! That counts! You have to tell me things, because they're EVIDENCE!"

As soon as I said that, I turned the corner onto Kelly Avenue and began seeing beige-colored cars. Fourteen of them by the time I got to the end of the block. I stopped counting when I reached 35 beige-colored cars a couple of hours later that day. I was convinced.

My orange butterfly story showed me again about letting go of attachment and what it feels like for me to be plugged in to the FP.

The day of the experiment, I was a bit stressed. Driving through marathon traffic to get to the finish line, where I would be performing music at the after party. Runners were exhausted, volunteers were working to protect the race course, and I was driving a big ol' SUV full of equipment I needed to set up. It was like being in a video game.

By the time we started to play, my emotions were fried. But at one point in the performance, I remember getting to the point of truly having fun, letting go, and what I like to call "being inside the music". I was free. My eyes were completely closed, and I was facing a window. When I opened my eyes for a moment, I saw one orange butterfly, directly in the center of the window.

That was it. Message received. Hello FP!

(If you haven't read the book, "FP" is what Pam Grout, the author, uses to refer to the Field of Infinite Potential.)

On the phone, Danielle had an "aha" moment about finding the balance point between conscious awareness of an intention and letting go of attachment to outcomes. I think we are all learning about what this balance feels like energetically as we do these experiments. This is for you, Danielle:

Dancing Magic Wands

We ended our meeting at Quarry Park with Experiment #3. I brought two coat hangers and two drinking straws and we went at it.

I learned that the "handle" on the magic wands needs to be free of any kinks. My hangers were a little stubborn at first, but with some fiddling we got them to work really well.

Tammy was the magic wand queen. If you met her you would immediately feel her radiance. And when she stood in the sun for the second part of the experiment, focusing her mind on her love for October sunshine and circles of women, those wands went "Boing!" and flung so far outward I couldn't believe it. Magical!

When I held the wands while doing the first part of the experiment (imagining a vivid and unpleasant memory from my past), I felt my body crumple and almost lost my balance as my weight shifted backward. The wands started bouncing inward.

When Shirley held the wands and did the same exercise, the wands crossed. Talk about dramatic energy movement! We received such a gift with this demonstration that I'm planning to repeat it at the next meeting for anyone who missed it!

What I love about these experiments is that there is no "right" or "wrong" result. It's all information. We are learning so much from each other, and I want to have a place for us to share this with anyone who wants to be involved.

So if you've been wanting to join the club but can't make it to our meetings (see the schedule here), please read the book anyway, and post your results in the comments! We want to hear your miracles, your blessings, your experimental findings as you explore the magic in your life with the eye of a scientific experiment.

Until next week...

- The E-Squared Book Club

P.S. Read about Week 1 here.

The E-Squared Book Club: Week 1

We walk in silence along a narrow path that takes us into the shade of a eucalyptus grove. We are flanked by these giants, stretching upwards infinitely, only the birds knowing the space above them. We walk with our intentions softly carried in our attention, as we listen to the birds, feel the breeze, and notice our feet, one in front of the other, walking the path.

Then, we reach a clearing. The trees step back, and stretch up the sides of the hill around us, forming a bowl. A container of energy. On the ground, a labyrinth. Here we sit on the grassy clearing and experience the infinite potential rising in every direction, encircling us.

Quarry Park labyrinth

This is where we meet to explore our own connection to the Field of Infinite Potential, or as Pam Grout abbreviates it, “the FP”. We meet to share our excitement, our discoveries, our observations as we enter into the nine experiments outlined in the book, E-Squared: Nine Do-it-yourself Energy Experiments That Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality. The invitation of these experiments is to use our own daily life, our own powers of observation and attention, to capture moments when we tangibly feel our connection to the FP. When we are plugged in to what is available to us at all times, but so often obscured by habits of thinking, cultural osmosis, and prior conditioning.

Lisa at Quarry Park leading E Squared

We are invited to get definite and crystal clear, to agree to set deadlines, and to release any illusion that we’re not good enough or special enough to do this.

Most importantly, we are invited to observe and witness, moment-to-moment in our own daily life, how we are one with the FP, how the FP is a blueprint for our reality, and how we can open ourselves to our true infinite potential right now.

By engaging in this moment-to-moment observation, we begin to retrain the mind, and gain the practice that is required to become familiar with our own power. Not to question it but to harness it in each moment as a treasure of being alive.

We share our discoveries, we tell stories of how we've experienced connection to the FP in our lives, and then we set up our experiment for the next week.

We conclude by walking the labyrinth, holding our new intentions and allowing them to ground into our being as we are held in this energetic container.

Find out how to join the E-Squared Book Club I am leading, either in person at Quarry Park in Half Moon Bay, California, or on the phone from anywhere in the world, by visiting this page.

Who would you be if you knew that every thought you have is creating a new reality for you?

How To Practice True Self-Confidence

Here’s my definition of true self-confidence. I’m so over the days of being in a classroom and each of us painting our own “version” of what the teacher wants us to paint. We are told that this kind of imitation – producing something that looks “as good as” what we are told is a “masterpiece” – is what we should be striving for. That we should practice for mastery as it is defined by the experts.

I disagree.

I’m interested in the kind of self-confidence that comes from facing the blank page, the open space, the silence, the void. Where there is no map. Only your body, your breath, your instincts, and your wild-eyed awareness. Only by choosing to “go there” – to show up in territory that is uncharted for you – can you experience what I’m talking about here.

For me, it requires venturing outside my zones of mastery and wondering what it’s like to be a novice. I never sang, so I explored what my voice could do with sound. I never painted, so I played with brushes and paper and colors. I bring back the lessons of these experiences to the areas of my life where I may be stagnating in my attachment to being “good at it”.

When was the last time you stood at the edge of your comfort zone, and faced the open space?

When was the last time you took a step into that open space, truly not knowing where it would lead?

Each time you give yourself this kind of opportunity, you discover your relationship with fear, and you have the chance to see and accept yourself as you are.

I used to be good at making money. I learned all my business skills from venture capitalists, the masters of making as much as possible from as little as possible. Money, that is. But even with a pile of money coming in, and plenty in the bank, I was distant and disconnected from its source. I felt no direct relationship with my presence and the money coming in.

Now I’m exploring a new relationship with money. One that is not so distant or quick. One that asks me to pause, reflect, and give or receive from a place of whole SoulBodyMind participation. With this full participation, I am discovering a new way to define value that is not about what we’re told, but about what feels right, and what sustains and supports life. It goes beyond the transaction, but it begins before the transaction. It infuses money with intention, value, and energy that aligns with the exchange occurring between individuals.

I’m taking a hula dancing class – another novice territory for me. I get to notice that the military precision and emphasis on “getting it right” no longer motivate me. I observe, and patiently wait for the music to start so my eyes can close and I can start to listen inwardly to the grace and fluidity within me. I am not there to perform or perfect any outer forms. I am there to touch the soft and lilting place within me. I can enjoy myself whether I am “doing it right” or not.

True self-confidence. We are told it comes from practice, practice, practice. But it really does matter what you are practicing and how you are as you are practicing. Knowing the what and how you are require awareness and attention.

Do you gain true self-confidence by following instructions and repeating them over and over again, making sure you’re doing it right by matching the people around you or getting the teacher’s approval?

Or are you simply gaining more practice in following, trusting others before yourself, and living in avoidance of the dreaded feeling of “doing it wrong” or “sticking out” from the others?

Believing that this builds confidence is a bit like a caterpillar believing it could acquire the grace and confidence of a butterfly if only it put on a pair of colorful wings and took flying lessons.

But the real way that a caterpillar acquires butterfly qualities – which are part of the caterpillar's natural potential – is to make the courageous decision to begin weaving a cocoon. Once it completes this weaving, the caterpillar has created a container for itself where the world it once knew completely dissolves. The processes that occur inside the cocoon are natural, and they unfold according to the laws of the caterpillar’s own nature, which is to transform completely into the form of a butterfly, with the potential to fly and spread beauty.

You are a limitless being.

What I mean by true self-confidence is a sense of trust in the desires of your true nature and your ability to find expression for them in your life. To show up and create experiences for yourself and others that reflect the uniqueness of what only you can offer.

If you feel like you’re standing over here and true self-confidence is somewhere “over there”, maybe you just need to know what to start practicing.

1. Listen. What is your heart’s truth? What is your true nature wanting you to hear? Listen for it. You may have to get very still and very quiet in order to hear its sound. Do it. It is worth it.

2. Decide. What decision do you have to make in order to create the space – weave the cocoon – for the expression of your true nature to take form? You may have to say goodbye to one way of life, and hold only in your imagination the possibility of another. But the decision to create space is necessary to start the process in motion.

3. Explore. Begin practicing the experience of being in expression of your true nature. Explore visual art, movement, sound, voice, and music, contemplative practices, writing, and other adventures that allow you to let go of your thinking mind’s conditioning. Connect with imagination, play, elements of the natural world, and wordless forms of expression.

4. Observe. Along the way, you will encounter all the fears and doubts and obstacles that have ever stood in the way of your true self-confidence. Know that this is all happening as a gift for you. Resist none of it. Indulge in none of it. Observe with precision and gently come back to your heart’s truth, your vision, the feeling of expressing your true nature in the world you are actively creating.

5. Repeat. With each expression of your vision that you experience fully, you will give rise to more visions. More decisions to create space. More opportunities to observe and come back. With more practice, the repetition becomes more familiar, more of a way of approaching your life in any given situation.

With this kind of practice – Listen, Decide, Explore, Observe, Repeat – your muscles of true self-confidence will be getting worked consistently and repetitively, with specific feedback you observe in your own experience.

Steps 1, 2, and 5 are up to you. Once you can envision these steps, it may be easier to accept yourself where you are, and begin moving through it. A coach can help to illuminate the process and help you see where you are right now. You can begin step 3 with your own sense of adventure, exploration, and imagination. Sometimes it helps to have the inspiration of other people’s stories, or a group in which to explore with companionship and support.

Step 4 is where a coach like me can be very helpful. The fears and doubts are often lifelong, deeply held habits of thinking that have not been questioned in many years. They may be the foundation of your identity, and without a gentle but firm and nonjudgmental atmosphere, the ego will put up a fight to its own death to preserve these beliefs.

Once you are familiar with your own responses to fear and doubt, and learn some simple methods to work with yourself in releasing these beliefs, you become your own best coach. You are limited only by your willingness to imagine more, and your curiosity to know the depth and expansiveness of what you can create from your own true self-confidence.

The Biggest Turnaround

Last week I had the opportunity to hear from a client who had coached with me for a year about three years ago. I am consciously unattached to outcomes with clients so it hadn't occurred to me to check in about progress. But I'm so glad he did!

Three years ago, Gavin* was "crawling" to work each day at a tech startup job in Silicon Valley that was easy to stay in because of the prestige and pay, but made for sleepless nights knowing he was not listening to his heart. Now he is living abroad, exploring many of his passions from childhood, and happily piecing together a creative life that supports his whole self.

The quote that made me smile the most was, "Life is not better or worse; it just feels more magical."

What would you be willing to do to bring a little more magic into your life?

Over and over again, my clients and my own experience keep teaching me that we don't get what we want by focusing more on what we want and on ways to get it.

"We don't attract what we want, we attract what we are." - Wayne Dyer

What we want "magically" arrives when we practice and sustain the ability to come back, over and over again, to a conscious awareness in our entire being that everything we want is already here.

What do I mean by that?

When we align our attention and energy with the feeling and being state of having our wishes already fulfilled, this enables us to see differently.

"How we see determines what we see, and what we feel." - Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche

We are taught to believe that, "When I have what I want, I will feel peaceful/successful/happy." The biggest turnaround is realizing, "I can experience the feeling of peace, success, and happiness right now." In other words, experiencing the feeling is not dependent on having the thing you want.

This is the "biggest turnaround" because it's the opposite of what many of us think we need to drive us toward our desires: that we have to focus on getting the things we really want, to identify the gap between where we are and where want to go, to set goals based on current and future performance, to put our energies into "filling in the missing blanks".

All of these approaches can lead to many accomplishments in life, but if those accomplishments were enough to create feelings of satisfaction, why all the Prozac and binge drinking, even among the most accomplished of people?

The magic is activated when we shift our attention away from identifying and focusing on the missing blanks, and start cultivating a state of being completely unbothered by whether there are any blanks at all, missing or filled in. We open more to receiving the magic the more we allow ourselves a state of being at peace with everything exactly as it is.

But I really don't want you to take my word for it.

Here's an exercise to try at home:

1. Start by noticing what happens when your thoughts are focused on an area of life where you want to solve a problem, create something new, or feel something is missing. Keep your attention focused on the problem, and allow all the details of this scenario come to life for you. Feel the density of it, see the colors, hear the sounds, notice the temperature of the problem as you hold the image of it in your mind.

2. Once you feel you have a complete image in full detail, turn your attention to your body and find the physical sensation that arises for you. Notice its location and find three words to describe the physical sensation. Choose words that can be experienced with one of the five senses - like red, hot, or tightening - not a concept like anxiety, doubt, or worry.

3. Now take a few breaths and shift gears. Take your mind into the future, to a time when your problem has been solved, or your creation has been completed, or your missing piece has been found. Surround yourself in the images of you in this state of fulfillment, completion, and satisfaction. What do you see? Notice every detail of your surroundings, including the people you are with, the place you are in, and the scents in the air. Flood yourself in the details of this imagined scene in the future, and feel it in every cell of your body.

4. Now turn your attention to your physical body and find the location of these bodily sensations. Choose three words to describe this physical sensation.

When I did this exercise with my Vision Board workshop participants this past weekend, it was striking how similar these last three words were for each person in the room. Even though they had started with a variety of problems they wanted to solve -Tracy* and Deb wanted new jobs, Sarah wanted a new relationship, Steve wanted a new living space, and Melissa wanted a better topic for her PhD thesis - the words they used to describe their final fulfilled state were surprisingly similar - light, free, open, warm, spacious, breathing.

The other thing I noticed was that just by doing this exercise, the entire experience of reality in that moment had shifted. Nothing had changed in the external circumstances in their lives, yet the feeling states they experienced in their bodies had transformed profoundly.

All because of the thoughts that filled their minds.

The act of choosing pictures and then arranging them on a page was merely an afterthought - but an important afterthought, because it allowed the cells of the body to experience the thoughts and create a physical form from the exercise. The board itself is an artifact - an imprint of the feeling state of completion, fulfillment, and success that can instantly take their minds and bodies back to that state of lightness, freedom, openness, warmth, spaciousness, and breathing - the feeling of having what they wanted, whether the "thing" they wanted had shown up in the material world yet or not.

So I invite you to give this a try yourself. What happens when you spend time each day imagining and practicing a state of being at peace, free, open - whatever your three words from the exercise above happen to be - without actually having to change anything in your circumstances right now?

Be a scientist and gather your own data by experiencing it in your own mind and body.

Be curious and open to the results.

The magic is waiting patiently for you to greet it with your attention.

If you want a full weekend immersion in this and other kinds of magic, join me for an Oceanside Retreat with an intimate circle of up to 6 participants in November. There's still time to take advantage of a great early registration savings, through September 24th.

How is your relationship with Not Knowing?

"Not Knowing is most intimate..." - Zen saying

This is a note for you. You are such a good student, when there's a teacher standing in front of the class, and other students surrounding you, all learning to do the same things. You are a stellar worker, always taking responsibility for your job, above and beyond the call of duty. You take instructions quickly, correct your mistakes diligently, and do everything you can to get along with others. You are smart, capable, successful, but still feel there's something missing from your life, even though you can't quite name it.

So what is it? What is that missing thing?

I don't know.

But I'm willing to bet that your relationship with Not Knowing could use a little tune-up. A little checking in and refamiliarizing. You see, each of us was born in a state of perfect Not Knowing. The first several years of our lives were filled with the joy, awe, and wonder of discovering, playing, experimenting, failing, and doing it all over again every single moment. This is how we learned to walk, talk, and explore the world around us. There was tremendous accumulation during this time, but the overwhelming majority of space was occupied with Not Knowing, and being perfectly content with that.

Then we acquired language, and experience, and started going to school, where we learned to correct our mistakes diligently, take instructions quickly, and get along with others.

Those skills served us in advancing through lots more school, in getting a job, and then learning the ways of the business and professional worlds.

Somewhere along the way, all of that accumulation began to take up much more space than Not Knowing. In fact, we may not even remember the last time we did something for the first time.

So right now you may be wondering, "How does Not Knowing actually solve a problem I'm experiencing in my life?".

Consider how your life might be different if you reclaimed the fun of it. Not having a reason, but just doing it - you know, whatever that thing is that you've always wanted to do or try. Letting go of what experience tells you, and embracing the fresh innocence of the present moment.  Better yet, just existing without judgment.

If any of these sound scary or crazy, it may just be that you've been out of practice at Not Knowing.

And how do you practice Not Knowing? Well, not by fixing it or solving it. Not by hunting for an answer, or coming up with a plan.

But by consciously being there. And watching attentively while you are there.

Last night I went to my first ever hula dancing class. I had never dreamt of hula before, but I saw a performance locally that really inspired me, and then I found out there was a community class offered right in my town.

So I showed up.

There was a lot to learn. The teacher started out slowly, showing us the basic steps, then putting a few of them together into a simple first dance. Then we newbies were sent to the back of the classroom and were told to fake our way along with the more experienced dancers as they rehearsed songs they already knew.

I got to experience myself in the moment of Not Knowing, and to see how I stayed with myself. Now I am at a point where I can see this as a precious gift. But I also know that not so long ago, this was an edge I very carefully avoided, constructing my life so that I would never be in that position of Not Knowing.

How do you react when you are put in the space of Not Knowing?

Do you ask for more information?

Do you look around for someone who looks like they know what they're doing, then copy?

Do you sit out and wait until next time, when you'll definitely know more and do better?

Do you just keep moving, doing what you can, trusting that this is exactly where you should be?

Do you compare what you can do now to what others around you are doing, trying to figure out what's wrong?

All of these are possible ways to relate to Not Knowing.

And all of these responses - if we are able to observe them in ourselves - hold the possibility to bring us closer to knowing ourselves. Closer to becoming intimate with Not Knowing. And more grateful for being exactly where we are in any given moment.

So that is the gift of any brand new experience, whether you enter it by choice, opportunity, or crisis.

In one form or another, all of my work is an opportunity for you to experience yourself in relationship with Not Knowing. I hold open the space for you to experience how you are as you navigate this unfamiliar territory.

This fall, I'm offering you an expansive yet gentle way to become more intimate with your own space of Not Knowing. It's an oceanside retreat with me and a circle of 6 participants, called "Beyond Knowing: Many Paths to the Present Moment."

We will learn from the teachers in nature - the ocean, the sky, the birds, the trees, the sand. We will also learn from approaching and entering various portals to the present moment, which is always fresh and alive with Not Knowing. We will discover what arises when we clear our attachments to thoughts, align our mind-body-soul, and allow our innate expressions to find a voice. We will create a safe space together where we can touch the space of Not Knowing, with gentleness and firmness, full participation, mutual support, no judgment, no force, and no extra.

You will take home tools that you can continue to practice in your daily life, each time you come in contact with the beauty and terror of Not Knowing. You will also take home artifacts from your unique expressions created in the setting of the circle of support provided during the retreat, reminding you of your heart's truth, and your magical reserves of resilience. You will also have the experience - carried in every cell of your body - of having become more familiar, more intimate with Not Knowing.

You can learn all the details about the retreat here.

Live Your Medicine

The Native American tradition speaks of each person's Original Medicine - that set of gifts that only you can offer the world with your particular life. I've always felt there was such a finality to the phrase "Original Medicine" - like I had to define the one thing I was here to do, or it would be lost forever.

No pressure!

This feeling would ignite the achiever in me, who would scramble to come up with a name, a brand, a package, a business, something very "put-together" that would create an image of how well I knew my Life's Purpose.

I've been doing some version of that for most of my life. But recently I've begun to discover a process I find much more alive, much more healing, much more in alignment with my own sense of unconditional wholeness. I call it "Live Your Medicine." It is the practice of asking, "What time is it now, for me?". It involves listening for what holds the most fear for me in this moment. And then summoning the courage to take action toward that in one small way. Again and again, revisiting and refreshing with each present moment.

It is reminiscent of Eleanor Roosevelt's words:

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

How often do we actually avoid - quite skillfully - the things that spark fear inside us? How often do we explain away these avoidances with elaborate theories, often quite impressive in their defense of our own status quo?

"Live Your Medicine" captures my emerging discovery that the true healing experiences for me happen whenever I do something that is utterly frightening to my mind's unquestioned beliefs. "Live Your Medicine" is an invitation to search inside yourself to find your edge, and to live in a way that develops your courage, rather than reinforcing old patterns, no matter how comfortable they seem.

For example, each morning for most of my life, I would begin with a "To Do" list - my responsibilities and things to get done. There was no reason for me to get out of bed beyond that list. It served as my purpose. There was no rhythm other than the methodical ticking off of items, showing up for scheduled activities, and getting through things.

Everything in my life changed when I made one seemingly small shift: I began my days differently. Instead of hopping out of bed and beginning to run after my "responsibilities" dutifully, I stepped off my bed and sat in silence, looking out a window at the sequoia tree stretching tall in front of it. I started with five minutes. I did yoga, not when the yoga studio scheduled a class, but when I needed it - sometimes first thing in the morning - and for the length of time my body required it - sometimes only twenty minutes.

Since then, I have maintained a practice of beginning my days with rituals that ground me in my connection to breath, body, and the earth. I am currently blessed with the situation of living just fifty steps from the beach. Most mornings I make the walk out to the bluff, and down to the sand where the birds pace along the water's edge. I wake up gradually, following the pace of the sun's creeping over the fog-covered hills to reveal the glistening surface of the ocean.

I notice, though, that even this ritual can drift into feeling of an "assignment" I give myself. I can fall back into a pattern of giving myself a job - even if that "job" is to start my day more kindly. My practice can harden into a set of rules that I must follow, or else be judged as something less than acceptable to myself. Not very kind!

My mind can turn any practice into a "To Do". It's just a repetitive pattern - a habit that was practiced for many years, and reinforced without questioning.

So my medicine is to "do the thing I think I cannot do". To be attentive to what that thing is, in this moment. And then do it.

I recently learned some simple restorative yoga poses from a friend. No need for the fancy bolsters, blocks, straps, and blankets that I've used in yoga studios. I can use pillows, blankets, and whatever else I have available. The experience is like floating - like my entire body is being supported, almost suspended, without any effort from my muscles. It's like being in water, without having to move at all.

And it's a totally ridiculous way to start the day! Which is why it's my medicine. Living MY medicine, at this particular point in my life, means having the audacity to begin my day by going into a state of complete surrender and relaxation. As if there is nothing to do, nothing to conquer, nowhere to be.

This is what living my medicine looks like for me, right now:

While my body floats in the feeling of being totally supported, my mind rests. It cannot feel fear in this moment of rest. And each moment I spend here, I train in courage. I look fear in the face - the fear that whispers a "To Do" list in my ear - and I do nothing anyway.

What's YOUR medicine right now? What time is it now for YOU?

Photo credits: Top - Randy Bales. Bottom - Lydia Puhak.