Join me for Tuesday Tea at Little House in Menlo Park!

Tomorrow afternoon I'll give a 1-hour talk and interactive music demonstration, entitled "Feel and Heal with Music", at Little House, multi-purpose senior center, in Menlo Park, CA. I'll share my personal story of transformation through music, and involve the audience in some music-making that will require no prior musical experience.

Plus, a little surprise ending for all who attend! Hope you can make it.

For more information, visit Little House's website, or call 650-326-2025.

Watch my interview on KMVT-15 King's Connections - Remarkable Young Women Series with Rusty King

I had the pleasure and honor of being Rusty King's guest #3 on the Remarkable Young Women Series of King's Connections, on channel KMVT-15 in Mountain View. I met Rusty at a Mountain View Chamber of Commerce event, and we immediately connected on the subject of being musicians. Rusty is an award-winning songwriter and drummer, in addition to hosting his own show on KMVT-15.

Thanks to Rusty's thorough research, in this half-hour interview we talk about my entire life, from my childhood in Libertyville, Illinois, through the launch of Chinese Melodrama just a few months ago. Watching it is like taking the "heroine's journey" all over again. It reminds me how this past year of my life, 2010, has been such a rapid whirlwind in some respects, while at the same time being some of the most spacious time I've ever experienced.

Rusty and I discuss education, success, parental expectations, music, creativity, failure, and the necessity of following your own heart. Enjoy!

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Starting a Band: 10 Lessons I've Learned from Launching Chinese Melodrama - Act One

[nggallery id=33] The past two months have been a whirlwind of activity for me surrounding my new band, Randy Bales' Chinese Melodrama. In case you haven't seen it, we have a new blog and a Twitter account, where you can keep up with our latest activities. We've played in the Bay Area at least two nights every week for the past two months, and spreading our joyful energy has yielded plenty of early interest in our fledgling local band.

I've been so amazed with what I've experienced that I put together 10 brief lessons from launching my first ever band. Let me say right away that it's been a total team effort with my friends and fellow musicians, Randy Bales (guitar/vocals) and Cathy Luo (percussion/bass/vocals).

1. Practice in public

  • In other words, be sure to play outside your comfort zone in public every once in awhile. Most of us can learn something from this statement: "Don't be so humble. You're not that good!" I can't tell you how many times Randy has encouraged us to play songs that I didn't feel were "ready". I can also tell you that at our first gig, I was deliriously frightened of what might happen! I had so many ideas about what a "performance" needed to be. Yet if I had waited until I thought we were ready, we might still have never performed in public to this day! My point? Be willing to start small. Just be sure to start!
  • Even if you consider it "practice", show up at your own personal best every time. This doesn’t mean you play perfectly. It means you set an intention for HOW you are showing up each time, and you let go of the results. And you do this every single time.
  • Notice that there will always be ways to improve upon your performance, but never be disappointed in yourself. If you’re tempted to “get down” on yourself or be harsh with your criticism, notice it and ask, “How will this help me show up at my best next time?”
  • Keep playing and be kind to yourself no matter what. Always know that you will have another opportunity to grow. It helps if you…
  • Create a regular consistent schedule of opportunities to play in a supportive environment. You will always get more comfortable by doing what seems uncomfortable at first.
  • All that said, also develop some “comfort food” – material that can always make you feel good, for those moments when you need to boost your own confidence.

2. Do the thing you think you cannot do.

  • This quote from Eleanor Roosevelt is framed on the wall of my office. Practicing in public (item #1) was exactly the thing I thought or believed I could not do, until about a year ago. My peak discomfort point was reached – in a public, but safe, setting – and it forever changed what I believed was possible for me musically.
  • Give yourself the gift of being open to this kind of transformative experience. Instead of avoiding the thing you fear, embrace it as the very chance you’ve been wanting to break through to your next level in life.

3. Strike while the iron is hot.

  • If you have an intention or an idea, start NOW while your energy is behind the project, and take defined steps right away to make your idea feel real to you.
  • Learn to trust yourself. Go with your first instincts.
  • Take small, defined, and consistent actions over a period of time rather than waiting for everything to be “perfect” before you begin. Hint: There is no perfection, so get over yourself and act now.

4. Support other people’s efforts with generous encouragement and humility.

  • Judgment comes more quickly than understanding. Seek to understand first.
  • Capture and share not only your own work but others’ as well. Facebook is a great example of how this works. Don't you love being tagged in photos or videos? And reading others' comments or "Like"s? There is a real-world analog to this, and it's called being present, supportive and expressive. Try it!
  • Collaborate openly. Playing with other artists helps build bridges of trust and understanding, and helps you understand yourself better too.

5. Know your partners’ interests.

  • What I mean by this is understanding what’s in it for the other people involved. For example, if you’re a musician, take the point of view of the event promoter or the owner of the venue hosting your event. Why are they interested in booking you? What value will you bring to their establishment or event?  Taking time to understand this point of view will help you provide higher value and therefore become a more desirable partner in the future.

6. Know what you want AND what you don’t want.

  • Know your own style. You really can’t be everything to everyone.
  • Know what you do well, and keep doing it so well that people can’t take their eyes off you.
  • Know what brings you joy and love from a situation (what makes you say “Hell yes!”) AND what your limits are (when you’ll say “No”). Both are important.

7. Gather a great team, with individual strengths and effortless collaborative energy.

  • Don’t keep score. As a soloist I never thought much about this. I focused mainly on my own technique and playing everything right and hoped everyone would just hear and see me. Only now do I appreciate the feeling of true partnership, humility, and support in sound. I feel a person’s heart in their music, no matter what – closed or open, hardened or mushy, afraid or receptive, tentative or persuasive.
  • I embrace the fact that I can’t do everything, and that everyone adds a particular value to our overall sound. I love this about a great group of people playing music together – the group energy becomes one, and we create so much more than any of us could alone. I appreciate this every single time I play music now.

8. Sometimes real life actually unfolds BETTER than your best-laid plans.

  • Learn to trust this and you'll begin to enjoy living here on this earth a lot more, right now.
  • Say “Yes” to unexpected or scary opportunities.
  • Prepare to be surprised. Pleasantly.

9. Show up on time, and be present.

  • Multi-tasking and music don’t mix.
  • Much of the magic of music comes from the total focus and involvement that is required of everyone making it. We could all use a dose of this.

10. Do something you find genuinely FUN and it will be contagious!

  • You can’t substitute good energy for anything else. What starts with YOU becomes infectious energy for anyone in your presence. So, if you’re having fun, you’ll spread that energy. It also works the other way, so if you’re troubled by a situation, check in with yourself first and ask what energy you are bringing.
  • Even our "marketing" activities are fueled by fun and enjoyment. For example, we made custom Chinese Melodrama fortune cookies, which people enjoy eating as much as enjoy handing out! Find out what brings you alive, and start spreading your best energy in what you do.

Read more about my journey with Chinese Melodrama in these posts:

Learning to Play Again

Feel and Heal with Music

Prepare to be surprised by taking a new path

I tried a brand new hike last week, and it reminded me of my path of trying new modes of expression lately. I continue to observe that whenever we test the boundaries in our minds, and take actions that are outside our current comfort zones, there is the excitement of discovery and the strength of learning that come along with it.

In this case, I first had to take the new path, not knowing what was in store for me. Would it be sunny or shady? Hilly or flat? How long would I be walking? Whom would I meet along the way?

What I discovered later on in the hike was such a gift of rejuvenation and restoration that I felt a much deeper sense of gratitude for having taken the path of Not Knowing. Turns out, what I didn't know was much better than anything I could have planned out myself!

Enjoy these two video clips from my hike, and see what I discovered along the way...

Learning to celebrate your failures...

Here's a first installment on what I feel will become a BIG topic of focus on this blog and in my work.

Did you learn to celebrate failure as a child?

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Ever notice that when toddlers are just learning to walk, the adults in their lives are THRILLED to see them bobble around, lose their balance, and fall down? The adults clap their hands, and shriek with delight when these little ones take even one fraction of what looks like might be a first step.

When you were learning to walk, the adults in your life kept doing this, and you kept falling down, over and over again, until one day you took that first step, and then a second step, and then another... Once you became an "expert" walker, it was no longer cause for celebration to see you take a step. After awhile, adults started warning you about the "dangers" of falling down, when only several months earlier, the very same action had been enough to cause your parents to reach for their cameras or call the grandparents.

And so it is that we learned how to learn and grow.

Too often when we're trying to go in a new direction - toward uncharted territory, as we create something new - we find ourselves surrounded by the kind of people who want to remind us of the dangers of falling down, of the myriad chain of bad events that could follow a nasty fall, and urge us to bask with them in the illusion of safety, watching the world with fearful eyes.

What I've found is that creativity and spiritual growth require a return to that process we went through when we were first learning to walk. We need to be gentle with ourselves, recognize that it will take many attempts, follow our instincts and desires leading us in a new direction, and surround ourselves with the kinds of people who will be there with eyes riveted as we keep trying, failing, and trying again until we succeed. People who, when we look up after our inevitable falls ("failures"), will gasp, smile, clap their hands, and say, "That's it! You're doing it! Now do it again!"

Why celebrate failure?

  • Skills for dealing with failure - like emotional resilience, self-trust, self-compassion, kindness, joy - are like muscles that need to be exercised. If you never go toward the possibility of failure, you never get to practice these skills.
  • If you don't remember the last time you faced the possibility of failure, you probably don't remember the last time you took a real risk. Instead of equating failure with doom, start training your brain to equate failure with being on the path of creativity and learning.
  • Get used to it. If you become comfortable with the discomfort of failure - and the only way to do this is to actually go through many small failures, over and over again - you'll have a key piece in the process of getting what you want. Holding a vision is one half of the equation, and being willing to fail repeatedly and progressively on your way towards the vision is the other half.

OK, so HOW do you begin to celebrate failure?

  • Gather the support and encouragement you need. Let go of spending time with people who complain or  send you messages reinforcing a fear of failure. You may be surprised to find out that some of your closest friends, coworkers, and family members may be reinforcing this fear of failure. If you are truly committed to moving in a new direction, you'll need to look closely at what you are really gaining from these types of interactions. And you may decide it's time to let them go. Find a community of people who are learning, growing, and embracing their own failures on the way to their larger visions of themselves.
  • Dream big...then take the SMALLEST possible step NOW. My guess is you don't have a problem dreaming big. If you're at all like me, you have such big goals that you get overwhelmed by the very next step you need to take, which is always right now, and is usually a much smaller step than you've imagined it to be. Define the smallest possible next step toward your dream, and then make it even smaller. Then DO IT. Be willing to fail...because you've surrounded yourself with those kinds of people who will smile, applaud, and encourage you to get up and do it again and again until you succeed. Right?
  • Acknowledge yourself. Yes, CELEBRATE your failure! Know that when you celebrate yourself in any way, you are acknowledging your process. Learning to practice kindness, gentleness, compassion, and love of your SELF is essential to creating the kinds of relationships, finances, health, and inner peace that you are longing for. So start small and start now.

For part two and the ending of this video, visit this link.

Photo credit: McBeth

Too much fun!

OK I just loved this performance by my band, Chinese Melodrama, last night. If you grew up listening to Metallica (which I didn't), you might recognize this tune. For me, it's like a thrilling roller coaster ride each time I play it, since I get to make up the ending every time! That's right, totally improvised every time. It reminds me that every single moment is fresh, whether or not it feels familiar in some way. Great way to live life! If you're in the San Francisco Bay Area, you can see us play this Sunday, 8/8, at 8pm, at the OCTOPUS Lounge in Pacifica. And "8" is an auspicious number in Chinese!