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I've been talking about my improvised violin recording project, and have been looking forward to sharing something! Today's that day.
Here's a little something we recorded last night. Hope you like it as much as we do!
[audio:http://www.themusicwithinus.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/01-Lisa-Chan-Chan-Take-Two-5.23.10-1.mp3|titles=Sultry Silhouette Take Two 5.23.10]
OK, Docs. This is what I see. I’ve been reading the blogs, studying the published research papers, checking out the advice you’re giving each other for dealing with the health care system. I hear you. There are many things about the system that seem broken. You are tired. You feel overworked and underpaid, and when you look out on the horizon, all you can see is things getting worse, not better. You feel powerless and voiceless as other stakeholders make policies that have a profound impact on the way you do your job. You see your job as sacred. You went into medicine not just for the money, but for the nobility of doing something good for other people, and for society. You feel that your job is special. It's more than just a job. You think it's not so unreasonable to expect to be rewarded for your efforts and personal sacrifices. Now you’re being herded like cattle into a holding bin, while still being asked to hold yourself to the idealistic standards that you believed when you went through your white coat ceremony as a medical student. I’m not in your shoes right now, but I offer the perspective of an observer. I did go to medical school, and saw too many of you around me who were burnt out and walking around like zombies during the most vibrant years of your life to want to be like you. So I chose to walk. Some might say I copped out. Others might say I made a wise choice, getting out early. I’m not here to debate my choice. I’m here to offer you a different way to look at your life.
I’m here to remind you that you can choose, over and over again in life, no matter what other people tell you.
No one in my life ever told me that I could choose what to believe, and that this simple (but by no means easy) choice could give me the power to change my life. Maybe it was assumed that the minute I stepped out of my parents’ house, I would adopt a whole set of independent beliefs based on being “out there” in the world.
It wasn’t like that for me.
Long after I left home, long after I left school environments, I was still unconsciously believing things that I had never stopped to question. They ranged from simple things, like, “You’ll never get a good job right out of college, even if it’s Harvard,” and “You’ll never make a living as a musician,” to more complex things like, “Life is just a series of tests. You win some, you lose some. Hopefully you win more than you lose. Then you get weak and die.”
Sure, it may look like I’ve broken down many beliefs in the process of making some bold changes in direction during my life. I said “no” to a residency, I actually did get a job out of medical school (and it paid really well), I believed in myself enough to move across the country to follow a dream.
But I'm beginning to see that it doesn’t end with just taking the big steps.
It’s the little steps that count even more. The many small decisions you make in each moment of each day add up to your experience of life. Time is simply the sum of many present moments. And if we remain unaware, these moments still go by without the benefit of our attention.
I’ve been trying to strive for “the next big step” in my life for quite some time. I’m just beginning to learn what it’s like to take the tiny ones. I’m learning what it’s like to celebrate myself, before expecting others to celebrate me. I’m learning how to listen to myself, before I run out to check if someone else will tell me I’m doing it right (usually I expect to be wrong). I'm learning that there's nothing wrong with being wrong, as long as I am open to it and keep learning. I’m learning how strong my muscles of self-care need to get, in a culture built on teaching us to face outwards and seek any sign of reinforcement, even if it’s a blinking red light on my Blackberry, or one more follower on Twitter, or an upward-sloping line on my web stats page for today.
Looking inward at yourself, asking the questions that can be answered only with the heart’s truth, and sitting with your own answers – I believe these are some of the hardest jobs on the planet right now, no matter what you happen to do to earn your paycheck.
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Last Thursday was the first meeting of Sounding for Self-Care Circles. This is a group that started out as a weekly practice circle for several of us who are about to finish our certificate program in Sound Voice & Music Healing at California Institute of Integral Studies (CIIS) in San Francisco. We began meeting weekly as a way to keep our skills active and to integrate our learning and transformation during a break in our classwork.
As our training program comes to a close and we each set out to offer our learnings in the world in unique ways that resonate with us, I realized that we needed to keep cultivating our community of practice, and to plant the seeds for a circle of practitioners to grow on the Peninsula.
So, I thought, why not open up our weekly practice to the public, and see who comes? You may not realize it, but every time you are admitted as a patient to a teaching hospital, you are entering a community of practice. The purpose of these institutions is to train doctors and other health care professionals in their art. Yes, true caring and healing work is an art form, no matter how far we've strayed from that in our health care system. The medical model at least recognizes that becoming a skilled practitioner (in anything) is a process of practicing. Many medical residents spend years chomping at the bit, waiting to get "out there" and start practicing on their own, and to have a "real job" with some autonomy.
What I now appreciate is the value of having a place to practice.
Effective practice requires repetition with awareness and consistent effort toward a conscious goal, as well as specific feedback along the way. The problem is, it's impossible to practice something and get better at it without taking the risk of doing something that doesn't work. We knew this when we were toddlers learning to walk. We fell down thousands of time, cheerfully getting back up again, training our muscles, building strength, until finally one day, we took our first step. After which, we promptly fell down again.
How many of us are willing to fall down in front of others? To risk "looking bad", or appearing silly?
When we were learning to walk, almost everything we did was entertaining to our parents. When we tried, they laughed. When we fell, they laughed. When we finally walked, they also laughed.
Some time between the age of 3 and being a teenager, we manage to lose our sense of sheer delight at the process of learning and practicing. We somehow forget our cheerful attitude toward failures as part of the process. It seems that "some time" is getting closer to age 3, as parents focus earlier and earlier on getting their kids into the right schools, needing to optimize test scores and performance evaluations even to get into kindergarten. It also seems that there are fewer places in our society that enable us to practice something in front of others - to be witnessed in our process of trying, failing, and trying again. There are plenty of performance spaces - in fact, many of our work and even family environments are probably best described as places where we put on a costume, play a role, memorize our lines, and hope for the applause at the end of our show.
But where do we go when we want to really LEARN? Where do we go when we need to really practice something, and try things out, and know that we don't have to look good, and trust that by being willing to NOT look good, we actually enable ourselves to get BETTER?
My vision for Sounding for Self-Care Circles is to create a safe space not only for students but for us as leaders and facilitators to play, practice, learn, and grow.
There were some beautiful moments of sharing and discovery last Thursday. The one that touched me the most was 21-year-old Elizabeth's comment that she never used to sing at all, but by the end of the class realized that she actually does enjoy the sound of her own voice, and wants to start practicing at home.
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I'm currently exploring my inexplicable fascination with what happens when you put a bunch of colorful children's bells in the hands of adults and say, "Play!"
In every class, I look at these bells and think, "Maybe we won't do it this time." But every time, I end up learning something new when we DO play with them. This Thursday was no exception.
The first time around, everyone chose their favorite color bell. Among the five of us, there were all the notes in the C major scale. This would be like having available only the white keys on the piano from middle C to the next C, 7 keys away. Try this at home on the piano. Give yourself those 8 notes to work with, and those 8 notes only. See what you can create.
Here's what five of us created, with our eyes closed and no one standing in front of the group to lead. I love the space between the notes and the unexpected harmonies that emerged.
Freely improvised bells (no conductor):
[audio:http://www.themusicwithinus.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Improvised-Bells-4.22.10.mp3|titles=Improvised Bells 4.22.10]
Then, at one participant's request, I handed my bells to someone else and took a turn standing in front of the group, as if it were an orchestra and I were the conductor. In my efforts to find melodies and harmonies by directing the others, I felt the group energy as being a bit stiffer and more distracted by this way of interacting.
Same group of people, different leadership dynamic, different result. Fascinating! Maybe as the conductor I was trying too hard, but in any case, you can listen to the clip below and hear for yourself.
[audio:http://www.themusicwithinus.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Conducting-Bells-4.22.10.mp3|titles=Conducting Bells 4.22.10]
Right now I am loving the freedom of using my voice to create a safe space for all of us to explore. I hold in my mind the image of all the teachers who had come to CIIS to share their art with us. The common theme that ran through these experiences was total authenticity. Each of these teachers had done the work of transformation, and continued to practice creativity as a way of life. Each was completely unique and beautiful. Each was willing to be with us and stand before us as exactly who they are right now.
And I, even at this beginning stage of a new journey for me, must remember that my willingness to share myself in process is one of the greatest gifts I can offer.
"Yemaya" came to me on the morning of the class last Thursday, as I was re-reading a chapter of Twyla Tharp's The Creative Habit. It was just one word on a page, mentioned in passing. It's the name of a piece she choreographed years ago. It leaped off the page as inspiration and I created a simple medicine melody to go along with it.
[audio:http://www.themusicwithinus.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Yemaya-4.22.10.mp3|titles=Yemaya 4.22.10]
We closed with the breath-like sounds of the shruti box (courtesy of my friend Monique) and the Purification Mantra.
[audio:http://www.themusicwithinus.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Purification-Mantra-with-Shruti-4.22.10.mp3|titles=Purification Mantra with Shruti 4.22.10]
So what IS the sound of freedom? It's a practice I am just beginning to savor and enjoy.
That was my favorite quote from a participant in my workshop this past weekend. Hmmm, now how can I incorporate that into the testimonials without giving the wrong impression? All we were doing is making music!
Music is a lot like drugs - it can be stimulating, or relaxing, and maybe even cause hallucinations. Depending on the quality, dose and frequency, music can be extremely healing - the ultimate medicine - or it can be an immediate escape from reality. I also believe it's possible to overdose on music of any kind. Just like a good medicine that's taken in the wrong quantities, music's effect is all about timing and placement.
I recently learned that the Chinese character for "music" can also be read as "happiness" if pronounced differently. I also learned that the character for "medicine" is exactly the same as the character for "music" and "happiness", with the addition of the symbol for "herb" on top. [Note: it's difficult to discern in the pictures I found on the web, since they are written in different styles of calligraphy, so you'll have to use your imagination a little.]
This was a huge revelation for me, not only because I'm of Chinese descent and have a preschooler's reading level in that language, but also how ancient the ties are among music, happiness, and health. Isn't it fascinating that at the root of the Chinese language lies a knowledge of the overlapping relationship among these things? Maybe it's about time we started to pay more attention to our musical diets, and the sound environments we create and live in.
True to the form of improvisation, every one of the "Music Improvisation for Everyone" workshops has been completely and totally unique. I've not only tried different exercises and "setups", but some of the SAME exercises have yielded dramatically different results, depending on the mix of people and the energy of the particular day.
I love it!
It's perhaps a little antithetical to the spirit of improvisation to record what happened and listen back to it, but such is the gift of modern technology. I couldn't choose among the many amazing audio clips of improvisations that were created on Saturday. I want to share all of them with you!
After a few warm-ups, I felt the energy of the room "buzzing" to begin, so I dove right into groups of four doing free improvisation, starting from silence. I must disclose that this is the first time anyone has brought musical instruments to this workshop, and I felt myself not wanting to disappoint by doing too many vocal and rhythm exercises. OK, I admit also wanted to indulge my curiosity about what all those different instruments would sound like in combination. But we started with just voices.
Improv Quartet From Silence #1:
[audio:http://www.themusicwithinus.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Improv-Quartet-from-Silence-1-4.17.10.mp3|titles=Improv Quartet from Silence #1 4.17.10]
Improv Quartet From Silence #2:
[audio:http://www.themusicwithinus.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Improv-Quartet-from-Silence-2-4.17.10.mp3|titles=Improv Quartet from Silence #2 4.17.10]
Then came the rhythm section:
[audio:http://www.themusicwithinus.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Rhythm-Ostinato-1-4.17.10.mp3|titles=Rhythm Ostinato #1 4.17.10]
This one finally found its groove, near the end:
[audio:http://www.themusicwithinus.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Rhythm-Ostinato-2-4.17.10.mp3|titles=Rhythm Ostinato #2 4.17.10]
If you want to hear a fascinating series that illustrates, through the metaphor of sound, how different leadership styles draw out such different expressions from the same group of people, check out the following seven clips, each between 1 and 3 minutes long. In each case, one participant was asked to be the conductor and lead the "orchestra" of other participants, each holding one of the exact same musical instrument (the only difference being the pitch or note played by each).
Notice the range of dynamics, the use of silence, and the effect of pulse or rhythm on the feeling of the music. This exercise was totally astonishing to me, and I just watched in awe as it unfolded. I never knew bells could make so many different sounds!
[audio:http://www.themusicwithinus.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Bells-Conductor-1-4.17.10.mp3|titles=Bells Conductor #1 4.17.10]
[audio:http://www.themusicwithinus.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Bells-Conductor-2-4.17.10.mp3|titles=Bells Conductor #2 4.17.10]
[audio:http://www.themusicwithinus.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Bells-Conductor-3-4.1.7.10.mp3|titles=Bells Conductor #3 4.1.7.10]
[audio:http://www.themusicwithinus.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Bells-Conductor-4-4.17.10.mp3|titles=Bells Conductor #4 4.17.10]
[audio:http://www.themusicwithinus.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Bells-Conductor-5-4.17.10.mp3|titles=Bells Conductor #5 4.17.10]
[audio:http://www.themusicwithinus.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Bells-Conductor-6-4.17.10.mp3|titles=Bells Conductor #6 4.17.10]
The entire group also cut loose in an open improvisation using only the bells. This is what originally inspired me to go with the conducting exercise above.
[audio:http://www.themusicwithinus.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Bells-Open-Improv-1-4.17.101.mp3|titles=Bells Open Improv #1 4.17.10]
Because we had so many instruments, I felt compelled out of curiosity to have two sessions of open improvisation with the entire circle, using any instruments of their choice. No one cued the group to start or stop. It started when it started, and it ended when it ended. A beautiful thing!
As you listen to these clips, sit back and notice what happens in your body over the few minutes of sound you are hearing. Do you notice the importance of pulse, contrasts, silence, space, and textures? Do you notice your mind wanting to call some of it "music" and some of it "sound" or "noise" or "something you can't understand"? Or can you relax into the listening, taking it all in, and allowing yourself to just be with the sound?
First half of Open Improv #1:
[audio:http://www.themusicwithinus.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Open-Improv-1-CLIP-1-4.17.10.mp3|titles=Open Improv #1 CLIP 1 4.17.10]
Second half of Open Improv #1:
[audio:http://www.themusicwithinus.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Open-Improv-1-CLIP-2-4.17.10.mp3|titles=Open Improv #1 CLIP 2 4.17.10]
Clip from Final Open Improv:
[audio:http://www.themusicwithinus.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Final-Open-Improv-CLIP-4.17.10.mp3|titles=Final Open Improv CLIP 4.17.10]
Of course, the sound clips are only a small part of the picture. What isn't captured here is the fact that these eight people - some strangers, some friends before - met each other for the first time through the sound of their music. Together they started and ended, offered and received, played and listened.
I'll speak for myself and say that it is truly medicine for the soul to convene in music-making like this. We weren't trying to compose something, perform something, or get anything right by anyone else's standards. We were simply taking something from inside ourselves and putting it out there to share. It may sound simple, but this profound act of generosity is otherwise known as joy.
When was the last time you were truly, totally, mouth-gaping-open, not-believing-it-could-be possible, SURPRISED? [singlepic id=147 w=160 h=120 float=center]
This weekend I remembered that feeling...the utter glee of being surprised like a child again. After dinner out on Saturday with my boyfriend, I noticed he was a little tense.
"We've gotta go," he said.
"Why?" I asked. I didn't think we had any plans. But I went with the flow, not asking too many questions. We seemed to hit every traffic light on our way across San Francisco, and I had no idea where we could be headed. We pulled up alongside a large, modern-looking stone building, which I thought was a museum of some kind. There were throngs of people standing outside, and a line of cars waiting to get into the parking garage underneath.
A volunteer usher on the street asked, "Do you have your tickets already? Oh good, because the will call line is out the door." We snaked our way down in the underground garage, and still I had no clue where we were. Was it a concert? A lecture? An exhibit? I came up the stairs, saw a sign that said "PME Choir".
"Oh, that's nice," I said, not knowing who the PME Choir was, or why he would have picked this out as a surprise for me. "I like vocals," I said, trying to sound excited when I wasn't really.
It wasn't until my butt actually hit the seat - on the main floor, left center section - that I heard the announcer say, "...the Pacific Mozart Ensemble, and the incomparable Bobby McFerrin!!!" I couldn't believe it. I shouted "OH MY GOD! NO WAYYYYY!" at the top of my lungs. Everyone around me must have thought I was crazy. I was. I was crazy with excitement!
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When we were babies, we were great at being surprised. For pretty much the entire first year of our lives, one of our favorite pastimes was playing "Peekaboo!" It never got old, we'd play it with anyone who would come along, stranger or not. We never tired of the moment of discovery when something that disappeared from view, would suddenly reappear, like magic!
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The mixture of glee and awe from playing "Peekaboo!" was once enough to make us drool all over ourselves.
Now imagine the ways we adults typically interpret "surprise". How many of us actually assume that something GOOD is going to happen if we prepare to be surprised? I don't know about you, but when someone says, "Prepare to be surprised," my mind often immediately translates this as, "Prepare for the worst." I often equate surprise with sheer terror of my impending doom.
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Which is why I practice music improvisation. I find that when I face my sheer terror in the context of sound and music, I am held by some element of it - the rhythm, the repeating melodic lines, the harmonies, the unison - and am often surprised in that childlike way again. I am reminded that there are many delightful surprises in the unknown.
The other surprise from Saturday night came from the fact that the previous week, I had set the following rule for myself: "Never leave your car or house without a flyer in your hand."
I'm promoting a series of new offerings, and getting out there to market and promote myself is like dusting off a set of skills I haven't really used in a few years. In the first year of starting The Music Within Us, I tried everything I could think of to spread the word. I stood on the streets during the Art Fairs and handed out flyers to anyone who had children (I was teaching toddlers at the time). I sent out direct mail to all the preschools I could find in the area. I knocked on doors and asked people to post my flyers. I talked to anyone I possibly could. I kept doing this, and one day (much later than I first expected) I started getting responses.
So you'd think it would be easy this time around. But it still takes some steeling of my nerves, calming of my thought tracks, and practice! So I came up with the rule this week, and found myself bringing flyers with me even to unlikely places like the taqueria where I was stopping by to get lunch. Standing in line, I ran into an old friend who is now launching his own photography business. As he asked what I was up to, I knew why I had brought the flyers with me...and I handed them to him! He's a guitar player also, and has a Buddha on his business card, "for inner peace".
All week, I never broke that rule, and I kept stumbling upon opportunities to introduce myself to people and invite them to look at my pretty flyers.
Until Saturday night, that is. Since I didn't know where I was going, I didn't think to grab my flyers. (There was my mistake; I should have just followed the rule without thinking.) It turns out that a Bobby McFerrin concert is the PERFECT place to have flyers about "Music Improvisation for Everyone" and "Finding Your Own Song"! Hello!
Since there was no intermission, I had to do without the flyers and just strike up a conversation with the woman in front of me, who I noticed was bopping around to the grooves just like I was. I suspected she had a musical background. As we exchanged cards, I found out she is a pianist and vocalist. When I got home and looked at her website, I found out she is a background singer on tour with Stevie Wonder! I emailed her some of my flyers and she shared them with her mailing list. How cool is that!
Finally, on the way out of the theater, we discovered that Bobby would be signing CDs after the concert. Of course we were all over that! I ran out to my car to get my flyers, determined to make up for not following my own rule.
I crossed a major threshold in my self-limiting beliefs that night, having the "audacity" to hand my own flyers to The Legendary Bobby McFerrin himself after he signed my copy of his CD. He was very gracious and patient with all of his adoring fans, even though it was past 11:30pm. There's no posed picture with us because by the time we got to the table, he had taken so many pictures that he could barely see.
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That was enough surprises for me in one day. But one thing's for sure...I'll always follow my own rules from now on, and prepare to be surprised!
Last Friday, I opened up my space. Literally. [singlepic id=144 w=320 h=240 float=center]
The Cradle of Manifestation was host to an event like no other. Organized by Eugene Eric Kim and facilitated by Lisa Heft, Blue Oxen Associates' Tools for Catalyzing Collaboration was an Open Space format workshop, which brought together over 30 participants from the worlds of technology startups, big corporations, non-profits, facilitation, and academia, coming from all parts of the Bay Area to discuss these questions:
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It wasn't the questions themselves, or even the people, that made it so unique. It was the nature of the interactions we all had, in the Open Space format.
If you're not familiar with Open Space (which I wasn't until recently), there is a great "textbook" of it here.
The basic premise is that people gather, as if for a conference, but there is no pre-set agenda by the organizers. The participants themselves create the agenda at the start of the day, by proposing conversation topics and building the "Agenda Wall", pictured here:
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Other participants interested in those topics gather at the specified times and locations, and allow discussions to develop organically. At any given time, there were up to 7 breakout group discussion happening at once, and any number of side conversations going on. In one corner, a "newsroom" was setup for people to document on laptops the notes from their sessions, so they could be shared with everyone afterwards.
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I proposed the question, "What does it mean to improvise?" and I had a quartet of four participants. I had no preconceived notion of whether people would interpret "improvise" to mean "music". We actually had a brief discussion about the question (with notes recorded here), and then launched into about 30 minutes of different free improvisation exercises.
The principles of Open Space are so similar to the principles of improvisation that I feel compelled to restate them here:
1. Whoever comes are the right people.
2. Whatever happens is the only thing that could have.
3. Whenever it starts is the right time.
4. When it's over, it's over.
5. Be prepared to be surprised.
6. The Law of Two Feet
7. Butterflies and Bumblebees
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These last two merit some explanation - "The Law of Two Feet" refers to taking responsibility for your contribution to a discussion. If you're not listening or contributing, then it's your responsibility to exercise the Law of Two Feet and leave respectfully, finding another conversation where you can make a real contribution. How often do we empower people with that level of responsibility? Instead, we force people to show up for "team meetings" while they remain disconnected by playing on their Blackberries or checking Facebook. C'mon, you know who you are. I'm so curious to know what would happen if more organizations and workplaces utilized and enforced the Law of Two Feet.
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"Butterflies and Bumblebees", a corollary to the Law of Two Feet, refers to the vital role that some people play by hovering or floating among several conversations over the course of a session. Some - the "butterflies" - may arrive and stay only briefly in one place, but contribute one beautiful nugget to that discussion before moving on. Others - the "bumblebees" - may serve the important function of cross-pollinating conversations, pointing out where there are links between two or more different groups or topics.
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What I loved most about the day was seeing the transformation of the space, and seeing it actually fulfill the vision of being a Cradle of Manifestation. It held the space physically for what was going on in the space between all of these people. The space felt alive, yet unobtrusive, as the real life was in the exchange of ideas and connections being made. Someone said in the closing circle, "This kind of collection of people and ideas is where great things are born." I love that!
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As an observer of Open Space in action, I see how it's a lot like improvisation. There are a few simple rules, and a lot of space within that to move. Everyone needs to let go. Listening is a form of participation that is just as important as offering your own voice at the right time.
And while you never know what will happen, you're sure to discover something new about yourself along the way.
See more photos from this event by me and Eugene Chan. Used under a Creative Commons license.
I'm honored to share with you a mantra, transmitted to me by my teacher Silvia Nakkach, Director of the Sound Voice and Music Healing Certificate Program at California Institute of Integral Studies. Yup, that's my voice on this recording!
Take 3 minutes and purify your mind with this calming mantra.
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Instructions for a breath and listening meditation:
1. Sit with your legs and arms uncrossed and your spine as straight as possible.
2. Breathe out with each sound you hear. Match the length of your exhale to the length of the sound.
3. Listen to the sounds. Do not try to translate meaning. Immerse yourself in the sound.
Variation for a breath, voice and listening meditation:
1. Sit with your legs and arms uncrossed and your spine as straight as possible.
2. Listen for each sound and join in with your own voice, making the sound you hear.
3. Focus on listening and breathing, and allow your sounds to arrive without effort.
Copyright Lisa Chu, The Music Within Us, 2009-2023.
